


Motherfucker

by Sharky9boy



Category: Inglourious Basterds (2009)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-17
Updated: 2021-02-27
Packaged: 2021-03-06 19:07:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 9
Words: 10,111
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26043958
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sharky9boy/pseuds/Sharky9boy
Summary: College au.Principally landaraine from enemies to friends to lovers.WIP (i'am rewriting every chapter before adding the last one's)1 chapter edited 17/02/212 chapter edited 20/02/213 chapter edited 27/02/21
Relationships: Donny Donowitz/Omar Ulmer, Hans Landa/Aldo Raine
Comments: 29
Kudos: 23





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and kudos are welcome :)  
> You can found me on Tumblr as rainasstuf

“Hey pillow biter where are you going?'' Hans stopped walking and swore under his breath as he turned around to look at Raine.

“None of your business apache”

The other chuckled as he got closer “oh why not? Are ya going to suck sum’ dicks? Since when are you so shy huh?” 

Hans rolled his eyes “ha-ha hilarious Raine...do you need something or are you just being annoying?”

“I actually do” The American said and handed him a notebook “after you're done with sucking dicks could ya do my italian homeworks?” 

Hans took the notebook and hid behind it, it was funny how a guy with an italian name wasn’t able to do such a simple task, he taught as he checked the exercises and smirked to himself. 

“Obviously I can...are they for tomorrow?”

“aha could ya bring them to me after launch nerd?” Aldo said and lied against one of the lockers, still smirking like a motherfucker, Hans tough as he closed the notebook.

“yeah…” he put the notebook under his arm and mumbled to himself “arrogant motherfucker”

Aldo raised an eyebrow as he stood up straight “how the fuck did you just called me Ted?” 

He bit his tongue and stared at Aldo, he didn’t mean to say it this loud.

Raine could be dumb as he wanted, but he surely wasn’t weak and Hans had saw how much that men could hurt someone, if he wanted.

Raine grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and made him get on his tiptoes while staring at him like a cat that’s about to snap the neck of a bird.

The action took Hans by surprise, more than it should have, and he let the notebook fall to the ground.

Hans put his hand over Aldo's wrist, squeezing it in an attempt to make him lose his grip.

“ya really called me a motherfucker Landa? I didn't know ya had enough balls to do something like this...”  
Aldo looked at his hand for a moment and then again at Hans, he was grinning now, and the austrian mentally prepared himself to be punched, square in the face.

“So you know how to swear, i'm impressed”

The american suddenly yanked Hans closer and muttered through gritted teeth  
“But do it again and I'm going to make you regret being born...understood?” 

Hans nodded fastly, and Aldo pulled away letting him go while muttering “good”, he picked up the notebook from the ground while Hans tried to catch his breath, while weekly attempting to fix his shirt.

Aldo handed it to him again this time smiling like nothing happened, “ya dropped this”

Hans grabbed it but Aldo didn’t let go, his expression suddenly serious, “i ain’t joking…” he said before he finally let Hans take the notebook.

“I know” the austrian replied, and without many ceremonies walked away, his heart still beating in his chest so fast, that he was sure he was about to have a heart attack.

Hans got out of the school and sat on one of benches behind the building, he stared at nothing for a while holding tightly the notebook against his chest.

After what seemed like an eternity he blinked severely times and took a deep breath getting himself out of that coma he fell into since he sat down.

Whit shaking hands he searched for the pack of cigarettes in his jacket pockets, he took one of the cigarettes out and lighted it, Hans took a long drag from the cigarette and passed a hand through his hair as he blew out the smoke, it was a bad habit of his and he knew that but it helped him calm down and concentrate, and after all smocking a cigarette from time to time never killed anyone. 

Hans took another long drag from the cigarette and burst out laughing in relief, he shook his head still in disbelief while he put the cigarette between his lips.  
he still couldn’t believe he called Aldo Raine a motherfucker and got away with it.

He finally opened the notebook while reading the exercise. He took a pen from his jacket and started completing them, it wasn't anything too difficult, so he wondered why Aldo wasn't able to make such simple exercises by himself, he wasn't a total moron and Hans knew that.

maybe one day he was going to ask him, Hans thought and smirked for himself as he blew out a smoke ring. 

He was still wondering if Aldo was really more stupid then he tought or just very lazy, when he heard footsteps behind him, he tried to hide the cigarette but it was too late, the teacher that just caught him smocking was already standing in front of him.

“We are going to the president office, right now young men.”  
She said and grabbed the cigarette from his hand, that she proceeded to throw in the nearest bin, before grabbing Hans by the arm and dragging him to the president office, he could grab just in time the notebook and follow her. 

The teacher kept yelling at him about lungs cancer and other dumb stuff that he really didn't listen to, for the whole walk, before she let him go and ordered him to go sit on one of the chairs and wait for his turn to be lectured.

Hans rolled his eyes but obeyed, he sat down next to Dieter, one of his few friends, and they remained in silence for a while before the black haired men spoke up, “how the hell did you end up in trouble Mr perfect?” he said and giggled.

Hans looked at him finally noticing the other guy bloody nose and messy clothes, he shrugged “they caught me smoking”

Dieter laughed “are you telling me you smoked in school? Did you hit your head or something like that?”

“Of course I did not, I was just stressed okay?...you on the other hand look like it, what the hell happened?”

The other men passed a hand through his ruffled hairs “fucking stiglitz decided to be a bitch and it’s not like i could have let him do it without consequences”

“...you are incorrigible that guy is going to end up killing you one of this days”

“Pft like he killed his dad? C’mon Hans i’am not going to get myself killed by some stoner”

“...sure-” Hans was interrupted by the door of the office opening, Hugo walked out of the door in a similar state to Dieter’s, without saying anything he walked at the other side of the room and sat down while crossing his arms.

meanwhile Dieter was called in and so Hans was left alone with Stiglitz.

Hans did notice that the other man was staring at him, but he was determined to ignore it, he knew that Hugo was one of Aldo's friends and he had no intention to get on bad terms with him.  
Hugo was probably the most dangerous guy at school and a lot of people did end up in the infirmary because of him, if Aldo liked to piss off people Hugo liked hurting them, and Hans wasn’t the kind of guy that did well in fights.  
so if he wanted to stare like some creep he could totally do it.

After what seemed like an eternity, where he just stared at the floor silently, the office door opened and Dieter got out followed by a teacher, Hugo stood up too and followed the two downstairs.

Hans heard his name being called and he sighed standing up and entering the small room that smelled like bad deodorant and cigarettes, as he closed the door he thought about the irony of being lectured by a smoker, on smocking.

The president shook his head in disappointment as Hans sat down in front of him, he was still holding that stupid notebook that caused all this, and hoped that the men would not notice it wasn’t his, they had already caught him once for making other’s homeworks and asseys and he didn’t wanted to repeat the experience.

The austrian pulled the notebook closer to his chest as he started to listen to the president's speech.

“Hans this behavior isn't acceptable in our school and your parents are already informed about this...you are just 17 and smocking it's terrible for your lungs my boy...” Landa looked at the almost full ashtray on the window and rolled his eyes he hated people acting like they hated something, and then they were the first to do it he didn't listen for a while, just pretending to be somehow interesten in the older men words, until he nominated the notebook he was holding, and caught his attention.

“That notebook you are holding...i believe it’s not yours. Is it?”

Hans stared at him nervously. He couldn't lie about it, they would have discovered the truth immediately so he shook his head before looking at the horrible carpet underneath him.

“And who is the owner then?” 

Hans sighed as he looked up again “Aldo Raine sir”

The principal shook his head again in disapproval as he sat down in front of Hans, they looked at each other in silence for a brief moment before the older men spoke again.

“...what subject is it?”

“Uh italian”

“Italian?...well then you are going to be his tutor in italian from now until the end of this semester”

Hans looked at the men in front of him like he was crazy but the man didn’t seem to notice or just ignored it as he continued.

“I think it’s going to be instructive for both of you boys and also a bonding experience...i want to see you tomorrow so you two can start...and don’t worry i will inform him personally…”

Hans could feel his leg shaking slightly as he nodded.

“Good now you can go”

Hans just nodded again and stood up; he was about to leave when the principal stopped him. 

“Could you give me that notebook please?”

Ah yes the damn thing, he was still holding it against his chest like some kind of shield. 

Hans turned around and put the notebook in front of the principal.

“Yeah sure my bad” the austrian faked a smile “have a nice day sir”

He turned around and could just hear a “have a nice day too” as he left the office, and closed the door behind him.

He remained still for a moment, if Aldo didn’t killed him that morning he was surely going to do it tomorrow, “great”,  
Hasns mumbled as he started to walk downstairs to his class, “this is fucking great”


	2. 2

Hans was laying in his bed staring at the ceiling,he couldn’t fall asleep for the whole night and even now wasn’t feeling like sleeping.

he looked at his wrist watch and grimaced. 

He needed to get up or he was going to be late for school, but the thought of meeting Aldo and of what the man was going to do to him, clenched his stomach and made his heart beat faster than it should have.

“C'mon man up” he mumbled through gritted teeth before he sat up, the Austrian ruffled his hairs and stared at nothing specific for a moment, he could already feel an oncoming headache as he finally stood up and left his bedroom to go to the bathroom.

As he got dressed he noticed how quiet the whole house was, his parents must have been already at work, Hans thought absently as he fixed his hair and spared himself a judging look in the mirror, not that it was a bad thing, he really wasn’t in the mood to be around anyone, especially them. 

He grabbed his backpack and finally walked out of the house, he was sure that he was going to die, but it was not like he could skip school again, the last time he did a teacher threatened him that if he ever skipped school again without a valid motivation, the school would have informed his parents about it, and now that would get him in real trouble.

Resigned he started to walk to school muttering a series of imprecations during the whole walk.

The school day was better than he had anticipated and apart from Dieter that tried to convince him to go and bother Hugo and an almost worrying amount of teachers that gave him a lecture on the dangers of smoking, while smelling like cigarettes it was a day like another.  
Then after lunch Aldo finally showed up.

“Here ya are kraut” he said as he firmly planted himself in front of him, maybe way too close then it was necessary, he crossed his arms and raised an eyebrow  
“so could ya tell me why the fuck you are my tutor now? Did you report me to the principal or somethin’?”

Hans looked at the american for a brief moment with fear clenching his stomach, before he got back into his usual facade and lied back against the lockers behind him trying to look calm.

“I have to assure you Aldo that i was not planning to get caught again or by any means report you, if it bothers you imagine how much it bothers me...we can keep this rational though and uh...i guess go along with it”

The american let out a cold chuckle “get along with it?”

“...yes exactly I can help you...and still do your homeworks etc. like this...this thing can be a great cover for this little...illegal activity we do apache”

“Ya have a good point...but how are we going to get my grades up huh? That dick said that if i don’t get better one’s he will make us do this for another year, and ya could bet that’s the last thing i wanna do”

“...ah ja about that...i guess i will have to help you study…”

Aldo pouted and let out a sigh “god...fine if that's what i have to do, to get rid of ya…”

Hans flashed him a fake smile and Aldo just rolled his eyes as he stepped back creating some distance between them “now don’t make that face kraut”

“What face?”

“You know damn well “what face”...now move your ass we are going”  
Aldo said and started to walk, followed by Hans shortly after.

Hans followed him in silence for about ten minutes before he asked where they were going.

Aldo giggled “to my fuckin’ dorm where else would ya do this?”

“Good point” the Austrian mumbled as they entered the building where Aldo apparently lived, they stayed in silence for a while before Hans spoke again. “Do uh do you live alone?”

“Nah I have a roommate why?” the american replied as he started to walk up the stairs leaving Hans slightly behind.

“Just curiosity...who are they?”

“Donny Donowitz, ya surely have heard of him”

Of course Hans did, Donny was the new baseball promise of the school he was probably going to enter a pro team after graduation.  
but that wasn’t the only reason behind his fame, he was known for almost beating to dead a guy during spring break the year before, rumors said it was because the dude was an extremist, but again that were only rumors, no one could be one-hundred percent sure that they were true, but the Austrian had the feeling that they were.

Hans nodded as they stopped in front of the front door.

Aldo unlocked the door and with a hand gesture invited the smaller men to get in “hey Don are ya home?!”

“Yeah do you need something?” the voice came from the living room

“Yup the kraut is here, can he come in or is he going to see ya having sex?” Hans stared at Aldo almost worried but the american didn’t even seem to notice, as he snickered silently.

“The kraut? You have a new boyfriend? Since when?” this time it was someone else to speak, Aldo rolled his eyes. 

“No Ulmer he ain’t my boyfriend...it’s the Landa guy”

“Ah yeah sorry men...he’s your new fuck buddy then?” the men said and Hans heard them laugh.

Aldo rolled his eyes and went into the living room followed by Hans, “you two fuckers, does he look like my type huh?”

Donny launched again and nodded getting himself a storm look by Aldo, “anyway Hans...that’s Donny but ya already know who he is and the small one is Omar”

“Uh hey” Hans said, the two guys looked at each other and laughed before they responded to his greeting.

“So we are going to my room, try to not be loud bitches”  
Aldo said and grabbed Hans by the arm almost dragging him into his room.

“We should try not to be loud? Ya two better watch yourselves then!”  
Omar shouted after them before he burst out laughing together with Donny.

Aldo closed the door behind him, and finally lost his grip over Hans arm, he passed a hand through his hairs, they remained silent for a moment Hans still trying to wrap his mind around Aldo’s friends behavior.  
“Uh well that’s my room...touch or break anything and you die clear?”

Hans nodded smirking slightly “can i sit down or you will kill me too for that?”

The american rolled his eyes and walked to his bed on which he let himself fall seconds later “of course ya can smartass bitch...sit down on the bed...or the floor as you want”

Hans chuckled and sat down on the other side of the bed “so...what was all that about?”

“...what are ya talking about now kraut?”

“You know what i'm talking about apache...your friends were pretty clear”

“...ya mean the fact that i like men or them messing around with ya?” Aldo asked as he grabbed a magazine from the mess on his floor and started to leaf through it.

Hans stopped himself from replaying immediately and pondered about his answer, he looked at the wall and the numerous posters on it. “The first one was surely a surprise yeah...but i meant them messing around like that” he said as he looked at a poster of the 14 fists of mccluskey.

Aldo looked up from his magazine for a brief moment “they just like to do it, it’s they’re couple hobby or something...hey could ya like look at me if we talk, i know that the guy in 14 fists is hot but that’s straight up rude men”

Hans realized and looked back at Aldo his checks faintly coloring “i see...uh let’s start with it then”  
The american smirked at him nodding slightly, and he really hoped that he wasn’t blushing but from Aldo’s face he probably was.

“Sure nerd” Aldo said and stood up throwing the magazine back on the ground and going to get his notebooks from the desk, Hans rolled his eyes and lied against the wall, this tutoring thing was going to be more difficult then he taught.  
And also a lot more embarrassing.


	3. 3

Hans sighed tiredly as he walked out of Aldo's apartment ignoring the stares he got from Donowitz and Omar as he did so, it was not like he cared about the opinions of Aldo’s friends, plus he was way more busy thinking about how bad was Aldo at speaking italian, he felt slightly disappointed in him for not putting more effort into learning another language, he had all the potential to do so, but what else could he expect from an american? Hans thought and chuckled quietly, the whole thing was really ironic considering that the Apache had an italian name.

As he walked down the stairs he didn’t really payed attention to his surroundings, being way too absorbed in his thoughts about the american and his intelligence, to notice that someone was walking towards him and when they bumped into each other it was too late for Hans to react, they both fell down like the berlin wall, and Hans menaged to somehow miraculously don’t fall completely on the stranger but while doing so he hit his head on one of the stairs.  
The austrian slowly sat up while holding his pulsing forehead, he heard the other person swear in German “fuck...have you desided to kill me Landa?”

Hans stared at the men in front of him slowly realising that it was Hugo Stiglitz, not that he had any problem with the german but knocking down the stairs the guy that probably killed his father wasn’t the premise of anything good, and at the moment his brain was incapable of producing any coherent sentence or thought so he just keep staring at Hugo.

The german waved a hand in front of his face while furrowing his brows visibly irritated by Hans behaviour ``hey landa are you there? do you have a concussion or something?” he asked “what? No no just...i didn’t see you coming sorry ha-ha” Hans finally said while fastly picking up his stuff from the floor he heard Hugo sighing in relief as he stood up, he cautiously looked up and saw the other man sticking out a hand to help him stand up too, slightly reluctantly Hans let the other one help him up on his feets while mumbling a thank you.

“Gott sei Dank that you are okay Aldo would have killed me if i accidentally offed his homework guy” 

“...his homework guy? He talks about me?” Hans asked genuinely curious about this new information.

Hugo nodded “ja like a man that talks about the secretary he fucks…”

“Sorry what?”

“...he talks about you like someone would talk about the secretary he fucks, are you sure you don’t have a concussion?” Hugo grinned slightly and started to roll himself a cigarette visibly enjoying the almost disgusted face Hans was making. “You two fuck...huh?”

“N- no we absolutely don’t!”

The german raised an eyebrow without stopping to grin at Hans “really? Then at least he must think of you while he jerks off, not that it’s bad that he’s crushing on you, he needs a Fräulein like you to keep him in line”

“A...a what now..?” 

“You heard what I said...but hey I'm just messing around with you don’t take it too personally ankle biter” he said and let out a laugh before he stuck the cigarette between his lips and lighted it up. 

The german then proceed to pat him on the shoulder and Hans couldn’t help himself but to stare at the other men “you should go now...oh and also don’t tell Aldo i was mean to you he would take it personally” Hugo said and walked up the stairs while laughing, Hans looked at him even more confused than before and watched him enter into Aldo’s apartment before he finally walked away still trying to comprehend what the hell just happened to him.

Hans walked out of the building and after a short time of indecision where he just stood in front of the entrance while looking around, he started to walk to a nearby park. When he arrived there he let himself collapse on one of the benches feeling tired like never before, it was already 5 pm anyway and the park was empty there was no need to keep his composure perfect as always, he took out his pack of cigarettes and fastly lighted himself one, he wasn’t surprised by Hugo messing around with him like that, he was around Dieter often enough to know that he acted like this from time to time, the think that left him in this state was the little detail of Aldo taking personally a thing like this, Hugo looked so seriously while saying it that for a moment it seemed like he almost feared how Aldo could react at him teasing his homework guy, which seemed so impossible and strange that Hans couldn’t get it out of his mind.

Yeah it was true that since Aldo decided to use him as his homework guy any other person bothering him or making fun of him stopped doing so but he thought it was because they matured or just founded someone else to tease, and not because Aldo Raine scared them away, he finished his cigarette and took another one from the pack, he lighted it up and took a long drag, he couldn’t wrap his head around this, was Hugo just teasing him or was there something more he didn’t notice before? 

Hans smocked his second cigarette slowly, the same questions repeated in his head like a mantra until it gave him a headache, he sighed and trowhed the almost finished cigarette on the ground before he stepped on it.

The austrian sighed and stood up while closing his leather coat, it started to get cold out there and he better get home now, he needed to be rational about this the probabilities that Aldo had a crush on him were so light in confront with the possibility that Stiglitz just decided to mess around with him that now he felt like a total fool for doubting how Aldo felt about him even for a minute.

“Of course he was just teasing me” Hans mumbled as he lighted himself a third cigarette and started to walk out of the park “of course he was”


	4. 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains the f- slur

“...ya did what?” Aldo asked again as he stared at Stiglitz “I told the twink about your crush for him are you deaf?” the other replied grinning, Donny started laughing again “this is not funny and not true...you...you motherfucker!” Donny started to laugh even more followed by Omar. Hugo put the joint back into his mouth “what's the problem? I tough that I could help you a bit Raine” he mumbled, Aldo gritted his teethes “ya helped shit Stiglitz!” “At least now he knows it” Donny mumbled before he started to laugh again, Aldo rolled his eyes and sighed “ya know what bastards? I'm going out to have a walk so ya guys can be assholes to someone else” he said bitterly and grasped his jacket, “oh c'mon you can't take it so seriously Raine if you don't have a crush on him” Hugo said chuckling but Aldo ignored him, he slammed the door behind him and got out of the dorms.

Aldo was walking trying to figure out how to found Hans and explain to him that Hugo was just an idiot, even if it was a bit true he didn't want the other to know it like this. “Hans probably think I'm an idiot now, fucking thanks Hugo” Aldo mumbled as he stopped walking to look at the other side of the road where he noticed Hans was walking whit a man, they looked kind of similar it was his dad probably Aldo tough, they were talking in German and the older man was probably explaining something considering how he gestured while talking Hans just seemed extremely uncomfortable, he wondered what they're conversation could be, but he was to far away to hear they're conversation or read they're lips.

Hans listened to his father explaining why he tough his gay co-worker didn't deserve to work in the same office as him because he was totally inferior to him, he gritted his teeth trying not to tell him that his son was gay too, “-Ich hoffe du wirst nie so sein Hans sighed “warum sollte ich? Ich bin keine kranke Schlampe” he muttered and looked at the other side of the road where he could swear that Aldo Raine was staring back at him, Hans looked away while shaking his head okay that he had that dumb American always around but sawing him anywhere was a bit strange.  
“geht es dir gut Hans?” His father asked, “ja...” Hans said before faking a smile and looking back at the ground embarrassed for his behavior. His father nodded and started to talk about his co-worker again.

Aldo pouted slightly he wasn't the smartest man but that was surely not a pleasant conversation for Hans, so he decided to follow the two man's hoping that they were going home. Aldo followed them for something like ten minutes before they entered in their house. The American took out his box of sniffable tobacco and opened now was the best moment to talk whit Hans and make sure that nerd was okay after all his mom raised him to be a gentleman no? He sniffed some tobacco before closing the little box and putting it away, Aldo looked around and when he made sure that no one was around he walked to the house and faked his best smile before knocking at the door, soon a woman opened the door she stared at him before asking what he needed, “I'm here to take my French book back Hans took it when we were having repetitions together Mrs” the woman looked at him for a while before stepping aside “oh okay it's nice to see that he finally made some normal friends not like that Dieter” she lowered her voice “I'm convinced that he is a fag you know?” Aldo just nodded as he walked into the house he bit his tongue to prevent himself from spitting into the woman face “his room it's upstairs first door on the left and take your shoes off young man” “oh yeah sure Mrs” the American took off his booths before he walked upstairs and entered in Hans room. The other one was sitting on his bed while reading a book, he looked up from it and almost chocked on his saliva “hey Hans” “what the hell are you doing in my house?” The blonde said, Aldo chuckled slightly “well just wanted to talk to ya” Hans closed the book “I don't want to talk whit you now get out” Aldo sighed “it's about what Hugo told you...it's not true and I wanted to tell you” the Austrian sighed “that's it Raine?” The American looked around the small room and looked a bit too much at the bright orange walls before responding “well I also wanted to ask you if ya wanted to hang out whit me and the boys sometimes” Hans snickered “why would I?” Aldo scratched his head “because you are cooler than I tough...” The blonde stared at him “go to hell Raine I have enough problems I don't need you or your group of friends” the American sighed “yeah but without offense your parents seams total assholes...and maybe you wanted to be whit people that won't judge you...” Hans remained silent for a while before standing up “okay just once and if I'm not going to like it you will leave me alone” Aldo smirked and raised his hand “so we have a deal Landa?” The blonde grasped his hand and shake it “yeah we have a deal Raine”


	5. 5

Hans regret making that deal whit Aldo more than anything he didn't want to be whit him or his friends he preferred staying at home whit his homophobic parents but the deal was made, and he couldn't back off. Hans fixed his hairs before he wore his leather coat and took a deep breath. Just one hour whit them, and they would leave him alone it doesn't sound so bad after all, Hans looked at his reflection in the mirror one last time before he got out of the house as he closed the door behind him Hans felt like running back in but didn't, the Austrian raised his head and walked to the dorms to meet Aldo and his friends.

Aldo was standing in front of the dorms waiting for Hans, Donny huffed “why are we still waiting for him? He's clearly not coming” Aldo grunted “Hans made a deal whit me, so he's going to show up” Donny rolled his eyes before looking at Omar the other just shrugged “what? I'm not going to argue whit Aldo let's wait” Donowitz huffed “You should me support me” Omar shook his head “and I do support you don don but I'm sure as hell not going to argue whit Aldo Raine... I'm not Hugo” Donny pouted before laying his head on the other man shoulder “fine ten more minutes” Omar chuckled as he stroked his hair “we aren't going to die...don't worry moron” they both chuckled before kissing. Aldo looked away from the couple as he took his tobacco box out of his pocket, he was happy for his friends but damn if it makes him feel even more alone, Aldo opened the tobacco box and huffed annoyed when he found it empty, the American closed the box and put it back in the pocket of his jacket grimacing. As Aldo looked up he noticed Hans coming up to them, the Austrian waved at him but didn't look convinced about the gesture. Aldo grinned “I told you he was going to come” Donny stood up “fucking finally”. 

Hans finally arrived close enough to the group of boy's he knew he was late but wanted to act cool. Hans recognized Donowitz, Omar but there was another guy he didn't know, Aldo was grinning like a total imbecile and Hans huffed slightly annoyed. “Okay nerd ready to have some fun?” Aldo asked as he putted an arm on his shoulders and started to walk, the Austrian gulped loudly he had no idea what was Aldo plan for the day but something was telling him it wasn't something good. “Yeah” Hans muttered and the American winked at him “you are going to have a lot of fun whit us we are going to our special place...by the way you already know Donowitz and Ulmer but that guy there it's Archie Hicox...” the blonde guy, Archie apparently waved at him and Hans just awkwardly smiled while Aldo continued “Archie that's Hans Landa, Just between us Landa that guy it's actually dating Hugo so don't think about asking him out or shit like that if you want to live” the Austrian sighed frustrated “I'm not planning to flirt whit anyone don't worry Raine” the other chuckled “I'm just saying” Archie just observed him but didn't say a word while they walked, yeah he was definitely regretting it.

When, Aldo told him they were going to their special place Hans didn't tough he was talking about a damn karaoke bar that looked like it was about to fall apart. They sat down on a table, and Aldo ordered five whiskey to warm up the night he said, it would be great if it wasn't 5 PM and Hans never drank strong alcohol, the Austrian looked unsure at his glass of whiskey when the waitress put it in front of him “c'mon buttercup drink it's not going to bite you” Aldo said before drinking his whiskey in one sip. The Austrian hesitantly took his glass and drank the whiskey in one sip to this caused him to start coughing and his eyes watered a bit because the bitter taste of the alcohol this make everyone at the table laugh, Aldo patted his back “are ya okay?” Hans cleared his throat “yeah totally fine” the American grinned and ordered another round of whiskey, while Hans bit his lower lip he never got drunk around other people before and if he got it right everyone was here to get drunk, he sighed hoping that nothing bad or embarrassing was going to happen to him.

Several hours and drinks later Hans was finally calmer he felt fuzzy and everything was hilarious for some motive, he sipped the Margherita that Aldo ordered for him while the others talked about something he wasn't really getting, not that he cared, the blonde snickered at the tough. Aldo looked at him “so ya want to do it too?” The Austrian had no idea about what they were talking about but nodded anyway, he stared at Aldo chest just now realizing how muscular the American really was, Hans sighed and would probably keep staring at the American the whole night if he didn't grab him by the arm and drag him on the karaoke stage while smirking like an idiot. “So...what song buttercup?” Hans looked at him before bursting out laughing “buttercup that's cute…!” Aldo chuckled “I get it you are already piss drunk...well good enough we don't have to drive later...” Donny trowed an empty can of bear at Aldo “c'mon do Lady Gaga pussy!” Aldo passed a hand through his hairs “if you insist we will gladly do it...and at your wedding too bitch” Hans looked a bit confused at them “what is...a Lady Gaga?” Aldo laughed “just read the words on the TV...Mr Donowitz wants Lady Gaga, so we will give it to him” “my fucking hero!” Donny shouted. Aldo faked a bow before passing Hans one of the microphones “c'mon pretty boy show them what you can do” Hans nodded “sure Raine let's do it...” He mumbled. 

Aldo was trying not to burst out laughing as he singed bad romance, it was just sounding horrible honestly but the guys at the table were cheering them up like it was gaga herself singing it, so he finished the whole song whit Hans that even though the alcohol sounded better than him. When the song finished he took the Austrian in his arms in bridal style and walked back to the table “so? Am I good enough for your wedding Donny?” The other laughed “only if you bring your drunk twink too, it wouldn't be the same without him” Hans smirked “thanks I know I'm incredible as a...a singer” while he and Donny keep making jokes about his devastating performance Hans hided his face in Aldo chest while yawning all this alcohol make him feel tired, the American noticed and just smiled tenderly founding the Austrian extremely adorable like this “I guess that me and pretty boy are going back to the base” Omar chucked “try to not fuck him Apache” Aldo grasped Hans jacket “I will try my best Au revoir bastards” he said and got out of the bar whit Hans still in his arms, the Austrian surely didn't complain, after all it was better than a lot of other night's he tough were good.


	6. 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slight nsfw

Aldo finally managed to open the door of his apartment, he got in and Hans followed him while giggling “wait for meeee” he whined before gripping Aldo by the jacket sleeve to stop him from walking away. The American giggled “are ya trying to make me fall?” Hans laughed “was? Noooo” Aldo closed the apartment door and took the smaller man in his arms and walked to his room, he opened the door whit a kick and walked to the bed before letting Hans fall on it. The Austrian yelped before he started to laugh while pulling Aldo down too by the collar of his jacket. The American wasn't expecting it and loosed his precarious balance, and fell down on Hans. Aldo putted his hands at the side of the Austrian head to not completely fall on him and started laughing followed by Hans, they laughed for a while until it turn out to just quiet giggles, to them just looking at each other while smiling. Aldo noticed that the Austrian was looking at his lips, and god knew how pretty he looked now, whit the messy hairs and the slightly red cheeks from the alcohol. Aldo stroked Hans face whit his thumb, before looking into his eyes and whispering “what if I kissed you...?” Hans gulped loudly as he pulled Aldo closer by the jacket “I would like it...” He mumbled and smiled slightly, as the American smirked “that's what I thought...” He whispered before kissing the smaller man. 

Hans had kiss other people in his life, none of them kissed him like Aldo did, now he really understood why they called him the Apache. The hand in his hairs keep pulling them like he was trying to scalp him whit his bare hands. But it didn't feel bad it was quite exciting especially because Aldo even when drunk was a damn good kisser. Hans putted his arms around Aldo neck to have him closer as they kissed. The Austrian would have lied if he said that this didn't turn him on but maybe for too much alcohol or maybe just because of too many emotions he started to get sleepy, and the hungry kissing turned into a sloppy making out section. Aldo pulled away and looked at him while stroking his face whit his thumb “tired buttercup?” Hans nodded and yawned, “mhmh I see we can continue tomorrow... I'm sure as hell not going to let a fine piece of man as you walk away without trying the Aldoconda” the American stand up and turned the light off, Hans furrowed his brows as Aldo lied down next to him “the what?” The black-haired man smirked and kissed Hans check before hugging him “you are going to it see soon... I promise” Hans nodded as putted his head on Aldo chest and soon fell asleep.

The next morning Aldo wake up whit Donny taking a picture of him and Hans, he blinked a few times before realizing and cussing at Donny, the other laughed as get out of the room Aldo trowed a shoe at him, totally missing him. He looked at the sleeping Austrian for a while trying to remember if they fucked or not, Hans seemed too much clothed for that option, they probably make out or just kissed whit him. He shook gently the sleeping man “hey...do ya want breakfast?” Hans looked around disoriented, he stared at Aldo for a while before blushing. 

Hans was gently waked up, his head hurt, and he felt like he was on a roller coaster, he looked up at the American that just asked him if he wanted breakfast, just looking at him reminded him of the making out session of the last night and something about the Aldoconda, he realized that Aldoconda could totally mean Aldo dick and blushed while staring awkwardly at him, he couldn't believe that this man just asked him to fuck the night before. “Hey are ya connect?” Aldo asked as he tapped the middle of the man forehead, Hans blinked a few times before collecting himself “y...yeah, thanks” the American nodded and stood up “c'mon maybe the boys left something for us...or we can eat directly lunch” he mumbled. Hans looked at the wall clock and almost fainted it was already 1 pm. He stood up so quickly that he almost tripped and fell on the floor, he started to fix his clothes up as quickly as possible, he was in big trouble if his parents were at home. Aldo stared at him confused, “what are ya doing jerry?” “I really need to go it was nice but I need to go see you tomorrow Aldo it's too...too late” Hans said talking as fast as possible. The American nodded slowly probably don't understanding “k see ya” Hans combed his hair and run out of the apartment praying every deity to not found his parents at home.

Aldo stared at the place where Hans was just a minute ago for a while before scratching his head and walking into the kitchen where Donny was showing Omar the pictures he just took of Hans and Aldo. The pair giggled when they saw him prepare himself a coffee “long night Aldie?” Donny said grinning, Aldo rolled his eyes “nah just make out whit him” Omar winked “suuure just make out whit him” the pair laughed as Aldo gulped down a mouth full of coffee and sighed, asking himself why his taste in friends was like this, and especially why did Hans run away from him.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for not posting sooner but my school year started and I didn't have a lot of time <3  
> Cris

Hans arrived home running, he stopped in front of the door breathing heavily as he putted a hand on his stomach and coughed, he was never good at running. When the Austrian finally started to breathe normally he took a few deep breaths before pushing the door open and entering inside his house. Hans looked around and entered into the living room maybe he really was lucky and no one was home or noticed that he was missing, Hans was about to calm down and laugh it off, when he heard footsteps behind him, the Austrian froze where he was standing as he heard his father voice and the older man hand landed on his shoulder “there you are you little cunt”

Aldo sighed as he passed a hand over his face Donny had the brilliant idea of printing out the pictures of him and Hans sleeping together and gave them to all his group of friends. He looked up at Utvich that was examining the picture “wait that's Landa?” He asked, “of course it's Landa dumbass how many guys you know that could stay in Aldo bed without being fucked expect Virgin Mary 2?” Utvich looked worried at the other man “I don't know and neither I want to Wilhelm” the other started laughing as he finished rolling up his cigarette “oh c'mon Smitty you should be used to Aldo being a hoe” Aldo pouted “I'm not a hoe Wicky” Donny chuckled “no right you are a hoe in love” the American showed Donowitz the middle finger but that make the other just chuckle. Donny stood up and took one of the photos “nah you are totally in love whit him...” Aldo sighed frustrated “no I'm n-o-t” Omar giggled “Raine we aren't stupid” Aldo banged his head on the table “c'mon this is not funny” the other just started to laugh “aw we always knew you were going to fall in love whit some twink” Donny said while patting Aldo on the back. The American sighed “how?” “Mostly your porn chronology Aldo” Donny and the other started to laugh again as Aldo banged his head on the table again.

Hans was sitting on his room floor, he rubbed his face in the point where his father slapped him it hurt like hell, he sighed as he kicked off his shoes and hugged his knees. His parents just spent one hour yelling at him and occasionally slapping him because he skipped school, great that they noticed he tough grimacing. The Austrian stood up and locked himself Into his room, before starting to pack up the few of his things that he cared about, he was 18 why in the world should he stay whit two homophobes that care only about they're good image and not him? He stopped packing and stared at the wall but were in the world could he go? Dieter was totally not an option considering that his roommate was Frederick Zoller. And the only person he could ask it was Aldo. Hans dropped the bag under his bed whispering a series of swearing, he wasn't going to ask Aldo sure they make out, and he was in a desperate situation, but this didn't mean he was going to stay at Aldo place he was still an idiot like everyone else in his life, Hans sat down on the floor while lighting himself a cigarette, he did it for years and wasn't going to break down now. All he needed was finishing school, and then he could get away leave this horrible town forever.


	8. 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It was supposed to be a Halloween special.  
> But it's a bit late lol.  
> Sorry for not adding new chapters more often but school is taking a lot of my time.  
> Anyway enjoy <3

Hans avoided Aldo and his friends for the entire week, but if there was someone he couldn't avoid it was Dieter.   
The guy keep being around him even when he stopped replying or just ignored him, probably because he was one of the few friends he had at school.   
During lunch one day he walked to his table and sat down next to him while clearing his throat loudly.  
Hans looked up from his book while the other started talking, “hey Virgin Mary I know you are sad etcetera, but this weekend Wilhelm is organizing a party for Halloween and maybe it could cheer you up” Hans looked back at his book “yeah...listen it's nice that your friend with benefits it's doing a party but I'm not interested” Dieter took away his book “so I try to do something out of the kindness of my heart and you refuse? That's pretty rude, and it wasn't a question you are coming with me” Hans tried to take his book back unsuccessfully “just for one hour c'mon...maybe you could finally lose your title as the Virgin Mary” the Austrian sighed loudly “I am not a virgin okay?” Dieter grinned “so are you coming?” The Austrian snatched back his book and sat back down “fine I'm coming but just for one hour...” The black haired man stood up triumphantly and walked away leaving him alone.

Hans entered into Dieter and Zoller apartment, following the other man that was frenetically telling him about the fact that he obviously needed a Halloween costume for a Halloween party, and he couldn't believe how much of a dork he was.   
Hans sighed loudly he really didn't tough about that part, probably because he almost forgot about the party and had to run there.   
Dieter got into his room and opened his closet while pouting “you are shorter than me aren't you?” Hans stood awkwardly in the middle of the room and nodded fastly, the black haired man sighed loudly before he trowed some fake vampire teeth at him and a black mantel “you are dressed like a weirdo anyway put this on, and we have it”.  
Hans grimaced “I'm not dressed like a weirdo...a...and anyway what are you supposed to be?” The Austrian asked as he putted the plastic teeth into his mouth and almost trowed up at the disgusting taste of plastic and alcohol.  
Dieter putted some gel into his hairs before smiling at him “John Travolta in grease obviously”   
Hans putted the mantel on and mumbled “yeah...obviously...”

When Hans and Dieter arrived at the party it had already started and the music was loud enough to be heard outside the house.  
Dieter walked in before Hans and almost immediately disappeared in the crowd of student's leaving Hans alone.  
The Austrian decided to go and get himself something to drink, he wasn't exactly a huge fun of party's, but he had to admit that the free alcohol and food wasn't bad.  
Hans was leaving the alcohol table with a big cup of vodka and cognac that he almost dropped when he saw Aldo Raine in all his glory walking towards the alcohol table while talking with some girl, he was dressed like the protagonist of the 14 fists of mccluskey, and even if Hans couldn't stand that dork he had to admit he looked good.  
When Hans finally stopped staring at the other man and tried to disappear in the crowd it was too late, because Aldo had noticed him and now was walking towards him.

Hans couldn't move as the other man approached him while smirking, he stopped in front of him both of his hands staying on his hips.  
“Hey there Hans I tough ya were dead...what are ya doing here huh?” He asked while raising an eyebrow.  
Hans took a big sip from the cup he was holding, “uh I had a lot to study sorry for skipping out repetition hours...”   
The American giggled “god aren't ya a nerd? Anyway what the fuck are you supposed to be?”  
Hans was about to reply to the insult but bit his tongue and just looked down at his clothing “uh...a vampire?” The American laughed loudly “yeah you kind of look like a bat” the Austrian rolled his eyes but again before he could say anything Aldo grasped him by the arm and started to walk towards his friends “c'mon nerd let's have some fun” 

Aldo wasn't sure how much time passed since he started to drink with Hans but it surely was a lot.  
They were sitting on grass behind the house and even if he wasn't sure about how they got there or were his group of friends went he didn't mind.  
Hans was smocking while staring at the sky, he sighed loudly and trowed the cigarette into an empty beer bottle before he laid down on the grass, Aldo did the same and looked over at him.  
“Hey what's the problem...?” He asked slowly, the blonde haired man sighed again “it's just that...do you ever want to run away from everything?” Aldo furrowed his brows “well I have everything I need...but sometimes I do...why are you asking?” Hans looked up at the sky and chuckled sadly “you know...my life suck, my family suck, nothing I do is enough I'm...I'm a queer idiot that doesn't know what to do with his life anymore...”  
The American felt a sense of guilt for letting the other live like this even if it couldn't possibly be his fault, hesitantly he putted a hand on the other shoulder.  
“I know you don't really like me...but if you want...uh you could move into my apartment... I mean Donny already lives there but you could stay until you found a place for yourself”   
Hans looked at him with wide eyes “are you joking?” He asked in a slightly high-pitched voice.  
Aldo smiled “of course no...why would I” maybe for the alcohol but more probably just for the happiness Hans grasped the American face and kissed him before whispering a “Thank You”.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys thank you so much for the 400 hits!
> 
> Enjoy the new chapter <3

Hans played nervously with his hoodie sleeves, he just told his parents about a school plan that encouraged students to go and live in the campus, and he hoped that they would believe the most stupid lie that he ever thought off.  
He almost sighed out in relief when they expressed they're approval, and that he could obviously go and live at the campus if it was a free school project.   
The Austrian smiled satisfied as he stood up and went to his room to pack up his things, he would have never tough that such a silly plan could have worked.

Hans looked concerned at Aldo and Donny that were trying to fit another bed in Aldo room even if he said more than once that he could sleep on the cough or just on a mattress.   
Donny swore for what felt like the 100 time that day and looked at Aldo “listen man can't your twink just sleep in your bed?”   
Aldo shrugged “he isn't my twink and Omar sleeps in a different bed too”  
Donny looked at his boyfriend “I mean not so often...but I get your point”   
Aldo pushed the structure of the bed again “yeah I heard you two every time he sleeps in your bed...slut”   
Donny laughed and pushed to finally forcing the bed into the room, Aldo let out an enthusiast laugh.  
“Finally! See Hans? I told you it could fit in!” The Austrian shook his head while chuckling slightly.  
“I am impressed really” Aldo smiled proudly at him and took Hans bag taking it into what was they're room now.

Aldo sat down on Hans bed, they finally putted on it a mattress and the covers, and it immediately looked more comfortable, he took out his sniffable tobacco box and opened it “so do ya like it here?”  
The Austrian that was looking outside the window smiled at him while he took out his pack of cigarettes “it's nice...I am really grateful that you make me stay... I uh...know I'm kind of a burden”   
The American sniffed some tobacco “I tough so too...but ya aren't so bad after all...plus ya have pretty eyes”   
Hans looked outside the window trying to hide the fact that he was blushing, with a shaky hand he put the cigarette into his mouth and lit it up.  
Aldo noticed the blonde man blushing and chuckled softly, he closed the tobacco box before he stood up and approached him.  
“What's the problem sugar?” The American asked while he took Hans chin between his fingers.  
The Austrian almost dropped the cigarette from his hand that start to shake again, Hans stared at the other man before he started to nervously chuckle”uh...n...nothing...it...it's just aren't you hot too? Haha it's really not in here...”  
Aldo grinned “sure I'm hot too...but not more than you”  
Hans opened and closed his mouth several times “ah now you are just...just making me shy on purpose..’t...that's rude”   
The American shrugged slightly “I mean you kissed me too last week without asking...kind of rude...so I was thinking to gave you back the favor...but if ya don't want to... I can always go bother someone else”   
The Austrian gulped loudly as Aldo snatched the cigarette from his hand and simply flicked it out of the window, eliciting a disapproved sound from Hans.  
“Ya shouldn't smoke that shit it's going to run yer lungs” the American said, the blonde man pouted.  
“I know... I know but it's an easy way to relax”   
Aldo chuckled “and may I ask why do ya need to relax...mh?”  
Hans gulped loudly again “ah...because... that's none of your business Apache”  
The black haired man launched “aw that's adorable if I didn't know better I would think ya got a crush on me Hans” he said before grinning widely at the other man.  
The Austrian looked away “I don't” the American chuckled and tilted his chin.  
“Oh really? So you don't mind if I kiss ya huh?” The blonde man didn't respond but looked at Aldo, he grinned and bend down slightly before he firmly kissed Hans.  
The Austrian closed his eyes as he leaned into the kiss. He didn't remember it to feel so good, probably because every time they kissed he was drunk.   
The American smiled against his lips as he putted a hand on Hans hip and pulled him closer without breaking the kiss that was starting to really work out divinely. 

In the moment when Hans putted his arms around Aldo neck the door opened.  
Donny stared at them for a while before he burst out laughing. “Oh god! Sorry guys” he said while Omar appeared behind him bursting out laughing too.  
Hans pulled away abruptly as Aldo stared at them annoyed, “give me a good reason to why you interrupted us Donowitz”.  
“It's Wednesday dork...horror movie night did you forget?”  
The black haired man nodded “almost yeah we are coming don't worry nerd”  
Omar laughed “if you two have to come then do it in your privacy jeez Aldo!” Donny grinned at Ulmer words and walked with him to the living room, leaving behind him the other two mans.

Aldo looked at the Austrian that was staring at the floor while blushing. He chuckled slightly “sorry 'bout them Donny really likes horror movies, so we have to watch them together every Wednesday...uh we can continue this or watch it with them...as ya want...”   
Hans looked up at him and fixed his hairs nervously “lets watch it with them...” He mumbled, Aldo nodded and smiled at him. He kissed his forehead before he walked into the living room and sat down on the floor, because the sofa was already occupied by Donny and Omar.   
Donowitz was enthusiastically explaining the plot of the film to his boyfriend that was looking at the CD cover while nodding. Aldo played distractedly with his hair, he hoped that he didn't make Hans uncomfortable before.

Hans sat down next to Aldo he wasn't exactly the type of person to enjoy horror movies, but he could spend some time with Aldo in this way.  
“It's called Jennifer's body Hirshcberg watched it, and he says it's great” Donny said.  
Aldo chuckled and winked at Hans “he said the same about Jaws 2”   
The Austrian smiled at him while he putted his head on the American shoulder. Donowitz still talking about the movie plot while Omar tried to make him shut up.  
For some odd reason it was comfortable, and strangely familiar and as Aldo putted an arm on his shoulder, he felt like the world wasn't so bad after all.


End file.
